All characters referred to in this post are fictional any resemblance to real characters is not intentional, but not regretted.

If I could find you then I'd tell you how you remind me of the future that has to come. I would tell you all about my life. I would tell you how the world has lead me to believe my future is you. I would tell you how strange my life has become without the vision of a day when I would read the paper while you paint by the garden. I would tell you why, Of all the things that shine in my life you shine the brightest. I would tell you why it would be such a shame if I could never see us together this young...........

Half Empty Glass of Neurons

As much as I would have liked to blog these last few centuries, there has always been something or the other that has gotten in the way. Everytime I switch my computer on, I automatically open winamp( which has confromed to the statististical data used to validate the theory of youth joblessness, IEEE transactions on synonym-for-obscure 200(whenever) ). As a result I know I'm normal based on the theory of the really smart. Although there is one thing that bothers me more than black olives on a pizza. Normal people don't wake up at six in the morning look at their alarm clock and go "Damn, I still have 2 hrs before class" and wait for the alarm to go off.... I do it.

The key to being normal is to keep your mind occupied with something or the other so that you don't start thinking too much. Thinking too much is exactly the kind of thing that leads to a bad shot in pool or a really bad pick up line.... please let me give an example :- guy walks up to a girl and says " I'm a matrix and you're my inverse... only when we're together we have an identity. " Things like this happen all the time, inevitable and believe you me there are people who fall for this. As sad as it may sound it is true like the AND operation of two 5v inputs...er...excuse me.

When you succeed in keeping your mind occupied you become what is know as a "smarty pants" ( please mind the plural form of pant, it is the distinctive call sign of the "approximately retarded" (retarded being politically incorrect)). You are least influenced by the people who surround you when you are fully occupied (of course assuming that you are indeed not occupied by the people who surround you). Take a melon(also read China) for example:- When it is uncut it is independent and when it is cut it is colonized. Wait....I'm starting to make sense. I'll finish this some other time...meanwhile, please bother to leave interesting, thought provoking comments...Oh and happy Ganesh Chaturthi....

That which satisfies the gut worm !

For the simple reason that there haven't been too many meaningful posts lately, I have decided to make an attempt at a meaningful post full of grammatical errors.
We will start with the assumption that I have already achieved the above mentioned goal. This assumption cannot be contradicted since I have not defined the criterion to be satisfied by an entry so as to make it an attempt at a meaningful post full of grammatical errors. There is thus, insufficient data to either assert or disprove the above statement. The result will be clarified further with the following attempt at expository writing.

Consider a candle which is also called a taper since, the flame tapers. A fact that has been established by a friend of mine after disagreeing with his assertion for an infinitesimal duration of time. The amount of time that would be needed to microwave a cup of ice cream and not melt it. It is a fact that eskimos have several words all meaning snow and they have so many because they are surrounded by it and they most definitely don't have conflicting opinions about why the Indian cricket team didn't manage anything in the world cup. This leaves them with very little to talk about. Just snow. The english speaking world has many words for food....viands, victuals, commissariat, vittles and so on. Does this mean that the english speaking world has very little to talk about other than food ? hmm... the implications seem to become more and more inconsequential. Although the purpose of this entry remains unestablished there is much you can learn from it. For example:- the fact that I have deliberately left out grub from the list of words that mean food. This exclusion could have a reason associated with it. Then again its all inconsequential so why think in the first place ?

Schumi

Berlin - Formula One boss Bernie Ecclestone admitted on Tuesday that life is not quite the same without seven-time world champion Michael Schumacher.

Respect!

My first dear diary entry...yuck!

Note to self:

1. Nobody in this world is worth more than 2 apologies
2. Getting oneself pickled for an unworthy reason is the most pathetic act in the world.
3. Not giving a damn is the only panacea. (special mention to cynics for being a close second )
4. Only those who have played and formally learnt to play a musical instrument deserve an opinion as far as music is concerned.
5. The only way to learn is to shut up and listen.
6. Everybody bitches about everybody else….cure - “I don’t give a damn.”
7. Your significant other is bound to leave you if he/she is better looking than you.
Love is not blind it just has really dark shades on… so when there is enough light on the situation…..
8. Never work on the assumption that everybody can get along fine.

Lyrical influence

How I crave for sleep.... A somnambulist for a thousand years till the levee breaks when the world will be flooded with happiness and the benedictions of the
lord. The day all of my people wait for, the day of their redemption. Their souls fighting the battle of eternity but always failing under the bow of the
galleon of iniquity. We sink to the bottom of the ocean where there is no light. We wait in obscurity for the guiding light of our saviour to reach us and
deliver us from these shackles. The very shackles that have kept us oppressed for a thousand years, the amorous clasps of greed. Every single woman and child held for the sins of their husbands and those of our lord and his consort. Our day will come oh great saviour!What of today and of tomorrow. What of a century afore ? The sands of time remain still. We feel no pain only despair.

There is an unnerving silence among the people today. I rise with trepidation to see what is amiss. The water seems to be cooler than it has been for long. I
fret, Is there more grief and despair upon us? So, I call my people to gather around me to see their faces. Amongst all this naivete I see the single light
in a child's eye and I feel the radiance of warmth from a soul that does not share the same fate as us. I call to it but it scurries away beyond the trees
where my sight no longer reaches. I send for a boy to fetch the girl from behind the tree. He comes back empty handed only curious to know why I wanted him
to run to the tree and fetch a girl who wasn't there.

These past few days I have spent musing over these preternatural phenomena. I am the eldest in this horde and I have seen nothing of this kind. I daren't
divulge my fear and panic my people. They are burdened enough. Although I cannot refute this new hope that i feel. My father's father once told me " There is
only so far you can run to hide from your enemies. In the end only the ones who stand and fight survive and rise the champion of all their foes." I believe
there will be a day when our saviour will come forth with his cohorts. The day of our atonement. The day we will all stand and fight....

The law of these lands have laid waste all that was doted and cared for by my people. Blood has been shed for aeons. These lands know the tales of my father
and his father before him. It is for their sins that we are paying. The greed that has stained these lands and tainted the soil. The soil reeks of the slain
and nothing will ever grow here again. I cringe looking at the crimson mud beneath my feet.
Soon our saviour will come... he will break the levee holding the river. The river that will once again cleanse these lands and deliver my people. Then my
time will be done. I will have nobody to lead. This is as far as any sheperd can oversee his flock. My duty will be complete and the consummation of my life
will be the beginning of the lives of my people.

In the distance I hear the sound of metal clanging and I feel a surge upon me. I fall to the ground clasping my
heart and feeling tremendous pain for the first time in a thousand years. Atlast our saviour has arrived the levee breaks and I am no more.
Freedom!

The battle of heights

The darkness fell across the lands as they watched on in disgust. The efforts to quell the violence had resulted in much worse than the war. The peace was to be restored no matter what the cost would turn out to be. The task at hand was never simple. The were risks to be taken, very plausible plans to be drawn and then torn. There were many rules to be followed. The principal among them was that nobody was to be left behind in the field. They at least fought with honour. Mortally wounded men barely think about what breakfast they might get the next morning. There was definitely no patient controlled anaesthesia machines in the vicinity so they had to settle for some good bourbon. Morphine was hard to find because they had used up most of their supplies in putting the soldiers to sleep with a smile. It was a smart plan, except for a minor detail that they had with sufficient pig-headedness managed to overlook. They forgot to use the same on both the armies. What followed the initial screaming and war cries from one side of the field was the distinct sound of over 10,000 bodies dropping to the ground and moaning. Although the look on the missed-morphine-by-a-whisker soldiers was worth a 7.2 mega pixel picture, taken discreetly from a strategically placed tree doubling as a listening post to record the real time sounds of battle for the locally releasing motion picture aptly titled " battlefield high " there were reasons why the picture was not taken. The primal reason was of course the lack of a 7.2 mega pixel camera at that point of time. In the original sense of the word this battle might not even qualify as a dispute but the fact remains that there was a record increase in the sales of a particular brand of cigarettes called the 'classic elevation'. Nobody can blame them, they were under a lot of stress.


The dispute started out when the king of fisher had a disagreement with the wise one bud. They wanted to know what the answer to the ultimate question was. The ultimate question of course was no easy question to ask and oddly enough not something anybody can get into a dispute over. There was a bit of a hustle on the golf course where they threw exquisite dishes specially prepared by the chef after slaving over the hot stove for a duration of not less than 38.45 hrs. As you can clearly imagine the chef was more than slightly angered and had the two leaders escorted out after satisfying his fancy by pouring an enormous pot full of boiling sugar syrup in their ears. The sugar induced coma that followed this experience merely delayed the war by 40 years. There was not much that had changed except for a few remote sensing satellites and microwave Owens. Their hatred for each other did not subside, it was the same. This of course can be easily explained by the fact that they hadn't been doing much thinking for that duration of 40 years. What followed was a brief duration of cloning to build an army big enough to fight a real time battle in a battlefield. They were very ambitious leaders. They didn't want to settle this whole matter over a couple of pints or a session of passing the pipe. They wanted war. They almost got it. Thanks to the peace keeping force who have for an inexplicable reason chosen to call themselves "peace dude".


The battlefield was a very confused place to be at that point of time. There were 10,000 people on the battle field who all looked alike and had no clue what to do with their lives now that their enemies were defeated. An unhealthy dose of depression followed, accompanied by a great deal of alice in chains and nirvana and then there were none. There of course wasn't enough man power to help the subdued army of look-alikes who were left behind on the battlefield to wear off their high. The battle resulted in a life loss of 10,000 and a net population increase of 10,000. These figures were clearly bad for the local public amenities department, they had an acute shortage of sanitation paper and hand sanitising lotions. All things said and done this was the most significant happenstance in the history of fightville. There was a lot of argument over the question that started all this fighting. The question was later recovered from the golf caddie who happened to ask the two men the question in the first place. To the surprise of many intellectuals and the obnoxious esoteric snobs the question turned out to be quite a difficult one to answer. In the words of the caddie,

" If god is alpha and omega What do the other Greek alphabets denote ?" .

Of Paradoxes and Wierd generalizations.

For the simple reason that I've taken up a resolution to not write anything of more than an iota of semblance to my real life and all ancillary paraphernalia. I will not write anything of more than an iota of semblance to my real life and all ancillary paraphernalia. It is my humble request that you acknowledge and praise my efforts in this regard considering the fact that it is that time of the semester which is least likely to leave a lasting nostalgic feeling.

As I have mentioned before, happiness is good but bliss is better so stay ignorant.

The structural and hierarchical integrity of a society is to a more than convenient extent based on happiness. Sustenance and dreams are the requirements, happiness is a byproduct. More often than not happiness is judged by quality of life. 'Quality' is the most ambiguous of all relativistic terms. Quality is demarcated by societal traditions and popular programmed thought patterns. Demarcated not defined. This opens up a tiny window. Since nobody wishes to step forward and define quality. There is no wrong definition. You are free to establish your own stand on what is good and what is bad. The implications are enormous. Everything in life can either become overly significant or absolutely insignificant.

The conclusion being, the absence of a true definition for quality which is directly related to happiness makes everyone of us ignorant relative to eachother.

We're already blissfully happy... So stop complaining!

P.S. Please humour my ridiculous usage of the words ancillary and paraphernalia.

Two is company, three is a multinational

Always look for something that fails to hold your attention but awes a crowd. The crowd is everything. The crowd earns you your living. There is no substitute for a crowd. Reading about a crowd is never quite the same. Vicarious thrills never dupes anybody enough to awe a crowd. If there is anything at all that can completely mar an existence, its the lack of a crowd.

Although there isn't sufficient evidence to corroborate this claim, a crowd can cure cancer, AIDS and other otherwise incurable ailments/diseases. A sufficiently large crowd can achieve almost anything. There is a comforting sensation of warmth and safety in a crowd. There is no reason to follow stereotypes. There is no right or wrong. There is just a crowd. You could either choose to join it or you could act aloof and go sulking off someplace where there is no crowd.
Advice is not a form of nostalgia, It is just a very logical abstract explanation for all things that go incorrigibly wrong. So my advice to you is to love the crowd. There is no other greater purpose to existence.

A crowded ticket counter is a particularly interesting test subject for all studies on crowds. Some of the most pretermitted paradoxes can be carefully studied. Examples include :- Sticking gum under the support rail, spitting a piece of gum straight into the center of the crowd. These are paradoxes not because people in crowds should like to spit their gums somewhere far away from the crowd. They are paradoxes because people assume that they are invisible in crowds, there migth be someone who feels particularly stool-pigeony at that precise moment.

The truth about crowds and their inexplicable powers may always be a mystery to all. Now thats what awes a crowd.

P.S. agoraphobia is such a wasted emotion.

It should be portrait of dorian grey

My first attempt at reviews... probably my last...

Oscar wilde's favourite words according to me are tremulous and mar.
favourite character - Duchess of monmouth although would have liked her more if she didn't fall for Dorian grey...well kind of...
close second favourite character - Lord henry wonton, ideologies and arguments are flawless till the end, the reason for my undeterred acceptance of his arguments will be all the more corroborated by the post life is a curve...no point.
Plot - nothing special...saw it coming...very simple but that is not the pivotal attribute of the story.
Lady naraborough is just pissing off... period.
james vane's death was too abrupt...could have been better.
Basil hallward is too passive for most of the story. He has not the strength in character to really leave an impression, effeminate.... again pissing off...

Oscar wilde writes like none other I've read, thats not saying much but for whatever its worth...tenfold.
He has a very charateristic way of simplifying things which just has to be adored...